Posted by: Tentative Equinox North | December 4, 2010

Farewell Mom

Yesterday, after a two and a half year battle with metastatic breast cancer, my Mom passed away peacefully at home surrounded by her family.

I expect she’s already striking up a committee, seeing what needs to be done, getting herself involved. After all, we can’t expect Heaven to run itself.  

I will miss her terribly. It will take some getting used to having a different form of communication.

In her honour, a re-post of some of the lessons she taught me.

This is my Mom and me in the ‘Peg circa 1968.

Mom, me and the Muppet Coat

Did someone skin a Cookie Monster to get the pelt for that coat? I’m a muppetized moppet. I love that you can’t see my hands. Wasn’t I just adorable?

More to the point thought, look how beautiful my Mom is. Like a red-haired Jackie-O.

True story. I was showing my boyfriend (circa 1986) some family photos. Someone had snapped a shot of one of my siblings sitting on the floor opening a present. Behind the child were a pair of legs.

Nice gams! says soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend (Look! Hyper-hyphenation)

That’s my mom!

(awkward pause) Oh. Well. Still. Nice gams.

Mom didn’t see fit to award her first-born those nice gams. Damn the vagaries of the genetic lottery. At least I’m not bitter about it at all.

But stop, this isn’t about me, this is about my Mom. Wife of 1. Mother of 8. Sister to 2. Grandmother of 8. Librarian, business-owner, president of many a committee, leader, politician, suburban pioneer, knitter, taker-up of causes.

My mom.

Some of the things my Mom taught me, although some of them I still haven’t quite mastered. Frankly, I blame the student, not the teacher:

  • A house full of life is more important than a clean one
  • Act on your ideas
  • Be articulate
  • Have people over
  • Think for yourself
  • Substance is more important than flash
  • Good wine and good conversation in combination is one of the best pleasures in life
  • Make friends with people who don’t have any
  • Don’t waste brain space by remembering the plots of television shows and movies
  • Find the special deals
  • Own lots of books
  • Endurance is more important than speed
  • Introduce yourself
  • The Salvation Army and the clearance rack are awesome
  • Get involved
  • Notice the world around you: the flowers coming in bloom, the houses being built, the arrival of the swallows
  • Be kind
  • Dress well and never be seen outside your house without lipstick.
  • Be classy.
  • Why buy it if you can make it.
  • Stand up for what you believe to be right even if it means being the only one standing in a crowd. And even if that crowd is your crowd.
  • You don’t have to go with the flow
  • Read
  • Make stuff
  • Tell the people you love that you love them

And so, I know you know, Mom, but I love you.

Thanks for all this and all the other things that you just can’t put in a list. I’m incredibly blessed to have you for my mom.

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Posted in celestial beings, Dark side of the Moon, Eclipse

Posted by: Tentative Equinox North | July 23, 2010

Taking the Measure

It’s taken me a year, but I’ve lost 17.6 pounds.

I still have a ways to go. But I thought it might be time to take stock because the weight itself doesn’t take the full measure of the change in me:

  • I am off caffeine.
  • I am 95% off sugar. The sugars I do have are honey, organic sugar cane, agave nectar and sucanut. They don’t seem to affect me the same way that white sugar does. Of course, I may have to take a closer look at the organic sugar cane. But I’ll get there.
  • I no longer drink Diet Coke. What never? Well… Hardly ever.
  • I drink my swiss water decaffeinated, fairly traded, shade-grown, non-GMO coffee with coconut milk.
  • I drink Green Smoothies on a fairly regular basis. Yes, I put leafy greens in a blender and then drink it.
  • I take all my supplements almost without fail instead of a half week at a time, and then abandonment for two months.
  • My brain is working better. Less brain fog.
  • My constant headaches are gone.
  • I have more energy.
  • I put on a pair of rather unforgiving non-stretch denim shorts that had been lost in the back of my closet and not only do they fit, but the waist is loose. Denim Victory Dance. The sweetest kind.
  • My cardio fitness is improved. My pulse rate comes down quicker than it did before.
  • I can jog for 2 miles or half an hour. I can do 2 miles in 28 minutes, 20 seconds. Not exactly world record material, but relative to me, a big accomplishment.

Things that do not work for me:

  • Weight loss programs. Not Jenny Craig, not Weight Watchers, not U Factor. I know they work for some people but they do not work for me. I’m not saying these programs are bad. They’re not. They just don’t work for me. Because for me it’s not the knowledge of how to eat, it’s my own resistance to staying in the process that trips me up. And these programs are designed to work through resistance in a very non-specific to me way. What can I say? People vary.
  • Goals. I know this is counter-intuitive but goals like losing 10 pounds for the high school reunion, or the Christmas party, or to get into that outfit that’s too small for me. Does not work for me. When someone hands me that sheet that says SMART goals at the top, I break out into a sweat. The only way they’re good for for me is getting me into my cardio zone. I don’t think SMART goals work for right brain people. Someone should do a study.
  • Focusing only on the mechanics — what and how much I’m eating, how much and how hard I’m working out.  It works for me for a while, but not long enough.

Things that do work for me:

  • A naturopath with a truly holistic approach and a specialty in weight loss. I really love my new naturopath. Not only is he knowledgeable (like any doctor should be), but he’s got this endearing combination of qualities–curiousity, acceptance, gentleness, kindness, and compassion that is exactly what I need. And sometimes he’s all about the mechanics and sometimes he’s all about the woo-woo which brings me to my next point.
  • Balancing the work in the hard with the work in the soft. And what I mean by that is in the hard is the practical stuff like making sure there are fresh vegetables in the refrigerator. The soft is the stuff that on the face of it shouldn’t matter but really does like I put on weight when I’m stressed, not necessarily because of eating (although that can play into it) but because my body’s stress reaction is to put on weight. So, I need to find ways to metabolize stress instead of hanging on to it.
  • Dealing with the mental piece, particularly delving into the reasons behind my resistance to acting in my own best interests. Again, the naturopath has been a huge part in sorting out that piece of this puzzle.
  • I will say that the only pre-packaged method that’s worked me has been The Coach Approach at my gym. It really helped transform my exercise into a habit/lifestyle thing, particularly getting on FitLinxx. I am very proud to report that I am in the 99 percentile for women in my age bracket at my gym. Meaning that I am usually in the top 10 or 20 people in terms of my fit points earned–in June in fact, I was number 2! That is a good feeling. FitLinxx reports to me that since I joined in September 2008, I have logged 12,156 minutes of cardio, lifted 618,456 pounds and burned 71,659 calories.
  • My Accountability Coach at Dream Garden Coaching who was able to tell that the real goal wasn’t weight loss but returning to my artist. She too, has been instrumental in keeping me in the process.
  • Taking up tap dancing. Moving in a way I like is important.
  • The phrase “Living in Alignment” has helped a lot. Eating and moving in a way that my body likes instead of filling it with poison and stagnation and then blaming my body for feeling bad. Give my body what it wants. ( But don’t let addiction do the talking.  
  • Where SMART Goals don’t work for me, visualizations do. Creating that mental picture that captures why I’ m doing this and then holding on to that picture creates forward movement for me.

Things that I want to give more focus in the next year

  • CONSCIOUSNESS. This is huge. Do you know how attractive unconsciousness can be sometimes? Check-out. Go on automatic pilot. Don’t have to work so hard at something. Rest. Relax. So, yes, bringing awareness into the process is important. 
  • Interaction with the resistance. Why do I want that fudge now? What is it I’m really needing? Because food can sometimes be a shadow comfort for me. The thing I go to when I’m avoiding the pursuit of my real dreams because they’re currently terrifying me.
  • Making peace with vegetables. We may need a peace summit at Camp David. But I want them to return to just being vegetables and not a barometer of my worth as a person and a mother.
  • Feeding my artist on a daily basis.
  • I want to get to being able to jog a 12-minute mile and be able to jog for an hour or more at a time.
  • I am still wrestling with reflux and the resulting sore throats, so I need to bring more attention to that. Don’t worry, I’m seeing real doctors, but I’m trying to see if there’s any way to fix this without being on a 40 mg dose of Nexxum daily.

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Posted in Rainbows, Stardust, summer solstice | Tags: ,

Posted by: Tentative Equinox North | July 1, 2010

Happy Second Half of the Year!

Greetings my sweet little bjournal. I know. I know! It’s been ages. I know. I’m sorry. No need for yelling. Yes, I still love you. Yes, I’ve missed you. I know I’ve been neglectful of all the stuff half formed in my mind that wanted to be written down here. It’s not you, it’s me. I just needed a bit of space I guess. A little bit of breathing room to explore some non-desk related activities.

But I’m back now. I’m not making any promises. But I’m back at least for now.

So, let me catch you up:

  • Last time, I let you know that I was getting together this little thing called The Actor’s Intensive. Well holy cow. Like 1800 hits in the month of April. Over 30 applications and 10 more after the deadline. I’ve currently got a list of like 30 people that want to be notified when/if we run it again. So, yeah, some interest there.
  • I was in a play. Yes, a little something called Nine. Very cool to work with a new group of people. Plus, my middle child got to be part of it with me. I’m not sure his circadian rhythms have yet returned to normal, and I may have inadvertently given him the theatre bug. Whoops. But it was kind of cool to share the experience with him.
  • My baby turned 6. My baby! I have to adjust my eyes sometimes, because I don’t recognize this big kid who’s taken over my baby’s body. We had great fun at his 6th birthday party playing laser tag with his kindergarten buddies.
  • I’ve shed 16 pounds. Currently working through some mental resistance so I’m a little stalled weight-wise. But hey, 16 pounds!
  • Totally missed the sostice. But I’m enjoying the long days and nights even though the West Coast has been like an England summer this year. Lots of cold and wet.
  • I’m on a two-month layoff from work. Which means that I’m now trying to cram 10 gallons of doing into 2 gallons of capacity. Big plans!
  • Renovations going on at the office. Renovations going on next door to us. Don’t come near me otherwise you’ll find people jackhammering right beside you within minutes.
  • And yes, we will mow the lawn soon. The lawnmower is in the shop okay?

I think that’s the most of it.

What have you been doing in my absence?

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Posted in Mothership, Stardust, summer solstice, Uncategorized | Tags: ,

Posted by: Tentative Equinox North | March 31, 2010

Introducing the Actor’s Intensive

I know I’m about 1.5 steps away from perfection, but I simply can’t stand it anymore and I have to announce my big thing.

The THING!

You read about it here first.

Then I sent out that little teaser a couple of weeks back.

And now, I can finally announce it’s actually happening in pretty much exactly the form I imagined.

I have through some miraculous conspiracy of micro-steps managed to pull together a 4-week refresher course for actors for this August. Voice, acting, movement, taught by working pros, 3 times per week, a showcase with invited directors — it’s all there.

You can find out all about it here.

And that’s not even the most fantastic part. It’s the people that have somehow let me sweet talk them into being part of it that has advanced me from just happy to ridiculously giddy. With the Arts Club hosting, program direction by Dean Paul Gibson, and head instruction by Scott Bellis I just could not have asked to put together a better team of co-conspirators.

Now if I could ask a tremendous favour: please spread the word. I know this course’s right people are just waiting for this and I want them to be able to find it.

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Posted in Stardust, Wonderment | Tags: , , , , ,

Posted by: Tentative Equinox North | March 20, 2010

Aren’t they (ah…ahh..choo!) lovely (sniffff) ?

A little picture of spring to celebrate today’s vernal equinox.

Taken along the walkway to Granville Island

Even though today I’m going to put a rib out with all my sneezing from said cherry tree blossoms, I couldn’t be more happy to welcome the Equinox. I love this side of the pendulum.

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Posted in Leaves, Vernal Equinox | Tags: , , ,

Posted by: Tentative Equinox North | March 15, 2010

Let the Great Limerick Begin

Today is my birthday! And since I’m the same age as the site, I’ve now posted the beginnings of my 43 Things. It is still a work in progress.

I had a super stupendous weekend. On Friday at 7:30 pm my dear sweetest of all husbands told me that I had to go to the airport to pick up my dear friend Silvie whom he’d flown in from Los Angeles unbeknownst to me. Well, he didn’t do the flying himself, but he did purchase the ticket.

We spent the next day gallivanting around Vancouver, shopping, taking in some paralympic sights, eating cupcakes, and as is tradition with us, getting caught in a rainstorm.

I also bought my first pair of Fluevogs.

Well, the Grand Day Out could be a post all on its own. Suffice to say it was glorrrrrrrious.

But now, let’s move on to what has become my favourite annual tradition. To celebrate my birthday here, I would like a bevy of limericks to appear in the comments. Extra points if you use any word that appears in the 100 most Beautiful Words in the English Language (my vote is for ‘dulcet’).

Keep it PG.

AND…(Wait there’s more)

since my bjournal now has ratings, the highest rated entry will share in my birthday and get a little present from me. It will not be Fluevogs. Sorry.

Let the Great Limerick of 2010 begin!

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Posted in Rainbows, Sun, Vernal Equinox | Tags: , , , ,

Posted by: Tentative Equinox North | March 11, 2010

Good-bye Trees

So, when I said daily, clearly what I meant was I would THINK about posting daily and ACTUALLY post just every few days. Sheesh. Hey, at least I made it two days in a row.

In my defense, I had a hard day yesterday. Remember way back when I told you that the lot next to us was going to be made into a neighbourhood of 11 houses? Well, the recession must be over because it’s happening. Fences are being torn down, ground is being dug up, pipes are being put in, the flag people are out. This morning during breakfast a big digger was picking up dirt and then swinging around within I swear 10 feet of our second story dining room window en route to dropping the dirt in another pile for God knows what reason. There is lots and may I emphasize the lots part again of { { P O U N D I N G } } as they try to force all the air and water out of the dirt for firm house foundations. Why this process should necessitate the rattling of glass in my cupboards and general upheaval of my own foundation is just idle philosophical musings at this point.

And yesterday they took out the trees.

The beautiful bank of 10 or so birch trees, the ancient 3 alders, a pine, and an apple tree.

We went from this:

The view from our dining room window until Wednesday

 and this:

View from the sidewalk

To this:

Mass Birch Grave

And this:

The Fallen

All in matter of hours.

I’m only a part time tree hugger. But I loved those trees, particularly the birches. I loved the way the leaves rustled in the wind; the way they’d turn over their leaves in anticipation of the rain; their glorious yellows in the fall. They were my view, a little protection from the mundane suburban landscape. Now they’re gone, and I am profoundly sad at their loss.

Of course once the new neighbourhood arrives, we’ll get properly behaved trees. The kind that grow in a straight lines up and down and do not crack their cement boundaries. They won’t be too messy or too big or too wavy. These trees will know their place.

The truly sad part is that all the trees except for the pine were on the property’s borders. All it would have taken is a little bit of extra creativity on the part of the developer to preserve them. Even the pine could probably have sat in an island in the middle of the future cul-de-sac.

But this is the cost I guess of assuming that others felt the same way as me. I could have looked at the plans. I could have raised a tree-hugging stink about losing the trees, written letters to the editor, chained myself to the trees in protest. But I did nothing.

Lesson learned.

But time to look for another home — this time with some widly tall ecstatic trees that have been there for a century and are actually on the property we own so no one can take them down at their whim.

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Posted in Leaves, Minor notes in the celestial chord, Observatory, Twilight | Tags: , ,

Posted by: Tentative Equinox North | March 7, 2010

Watch This Space

Remember this post?

Well, watch this space because in the next couple of weeks I will have something to announce.

I know! The Thing! The Thing and Reality being somehow intertwined?!

Whoah.

And that’s all I can say.

Except that if you know anything about the “Vancouver Theatre Scene” your jaw is going to drop once I tell you the who of the what.

Okay, now that’s really all I can say.

But I had to say something because I’m so excited at how this has all came together that I’m about ready to pop.

Wheeeee!!!!

And dear reader, be gentle with my baby. She’s just learning to walk on her own and any comparisons to Richard on Slings and Arrows will render her lame.

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Posted in Stardust, Sun | Tags: , ,

Posted by: Tentative Equinox North | March 6, 2010

The Redemption of the 20-Somethings

It would be easy for me to fold up this little laptop and decide there are much more productive things to do be doing with my day. After all, there are a hundred more ways I could be more productive. But I’ve let myself forget how much I enjoy writing and I believe it’s time to make this a more regular practice. Because my silence no longer feels meditative but muted.

So, I’m going to write here every day for at least a while, until well, I don’t know until. Until I feel more flow-y I think.

I also feel bad that I’ve left my *ahem* little rant at the top of my page for over a month. I feel especially bad about it, because two weeks ago, I found myself with my teenaged daughter in the changing room area of American Eagle Outfitters.  She in tears with a day of unmet expectations, having to go clothes shopping with her uncool mother, and a mirror that didn’t reflect back the reality she wanted to see. 

The 20-something clerk came back to see how we were doing, unaware of the drama that was unfolding there. Once she got the gist of the situation, bless her heart, she went around the store and brought armloads of clothes in the correct sizes, better styles for my daughter’s body type, and even grouped things that could be layered. She told me how she had always resented her older sister for being thinner than her and gave my daughter a little side shoulder hug and “Aww, don’t cry sweetie.”

It was exactly what we needed. And although it still took a while for my daughter’s mood to lift, we found some clothes that worked. 

And I was just so touched to witness a stranger come to the aid when there was a need.

So, 20-somethings I apologize for painting you all with same broad strokes. That one clerk has redeemed you.

You see, I can also use my blog for good.

American Eagle Outfitters, give that girl a raise!

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Posted in celestial beings, Comets of Kindness, Observatory, Rainbows, Sun, Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

Posted by: Tentative Equinox North | January 31, 2010

I have a blog and I’m not afraid to use it

I turned a corner somewhere. Crossed a line. Went through a doorway. And I’m not sure it’s a good corner/line/doorway.

  • I hate 20-somethings.
  • I no longer keep quiet when something pisses me off.
  • I’m scaring the 20-somethings when they do something to piss me off which I’m no longer quiet about.

This creates a problem for me.

Now, when I say I ‘hate’ 20-sometings, hate might be a little strong. I just find them extremely irritating in a “Just shut up about who you got drunk with at the club on the weekend, because I could not care less,” kind of a way. And if that sounds to you like I might be jealous of the “excitement” of hanging out with named somebodies at a club, you could not be more wrong, because you would have to pay me, dress me, drive me, and pay for my drinks all night, to get me to go out to a club. Oh, and include ear plugs and some soft squooshy slippers and maybe a cone of silence.

(Note: unless it was some variation on a Victorian Gentlemen’s Club where I could just sit quietly in an easy chair and read. I would even smoke an occasional cigar if that’s what it would take.)

You see what I mean? I’ve become a curmudgeon. A misanthrope of the 20-somethings.

I prefer to think of it as a preference. As in I have an introvert preference. I prefer to connect with people in a more quiet, meaningful way where I don’t have to yelp and cry “SQUEEE!!! OHMIGOD, I LOVE YOUR NEW EARRINGS!!!” or variations thereof, at regular 5-minute intervals.

So, God help the poor 20-something working in retail who, through no fault of their own, finds me at their counter. Because I often always have an irrational query like “Why does nothing in this store have a price on it?” and “Why are you selling this crappy pantyhose?” or “The sign that says that you have this in petite sizes is lying then?” and “So, despite the fact that you list yourself as being a custom shop, you are really saying to me that My Particular Customization is so bizarre as to be Beyond Your Scope?” and my personal favourite to really get them into Angry Customer Mode and start them Quoting the Staff Manual and Mysterious Corporate Policy is not so much a question as any variation on the thematic statement “This is an outrageous price for that.”

Try it sometime. They are rendered quite mute for a moment or two, (Ahhh, sweet silence, how refreshing), and then they stumble around looking in the filing cabinet of their minds for the last staff inservice where they were taught how to deal with irrationally angry middle-aged women. However, they haven’t quite committed said passages to memory because they then start mumbling corporate-speak like an automaton with a crossed wire and an upward inflection at the end of their sentence “We’re sorry, your request cannot be completed as dialled? For your convenience, please go to another store and try your request again? Perhaps there you will find someone who’s making more than minimum wage and gives a crap?”

Oh, wait, that’s what I hear. Because being an actor, I excel at picking up on the sub-text. I can spot an eye-roll from 30 paces even if no eye was actually rolled.

Really, now that I look at it, written down, I think it makes me more angry that the corporate overlords have put these innocent (although still irritating) 20-somethings on the front line to take the bullet for their bad decisions. Or aren’t doing what they need to do to ensure that people working the front lines do give a crap about what’s going on in their store-front.

But you can’t get through to them. Oh no. They aren’t giving out that direct dial number I can tell you that.  They’re trying to discern why business is down using balance sheets and income statements. No one is asking me. Why is no one asking me? I could tell you if you would just ask.

So, my impotent rage at the 20-something store clerk festers, until I can release the poison with a bjournal post.

This what I should do…before I ask my next irrational question of the irritating 20-something, I should hand the clerk a card, like a business card, except all that will be on it will be the statement:

Be very careful how you answer my next question; I have a blog and I’m not afraid to use it.

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Posted in Aliens and uncharted planets, Meteor Shower, Observatory | Tags: , , , ,

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