I said in my last blog post that I wouldn’t win any parenting awards. Well, of COURSE I can’t win any parenting awards. There ARE no parenting awards. Think about that. NO parenting awards. It’s just not right. Not right at all. Parenting is the most difficult job you can have and there are no awards for doing it well. The reward is a job well done you might say. “BAH!” I say. I want an award. A trophy. Perhaps a small tasteful but unbreakable plaque. It is the awards season. I think it’s time to remedy this injustice. I hereby declare the First Annual “Because I Said So Parenting Awards” (BISS Awards for short).
Some suggested categories (you might have others, feel free to suggest some)
- Outstanding grace under the pressure of the temper tantrum in public. (Extra points will be awarded if the tantrum happens at the library or in the presence of the senior citizen’s mall-walking brigade.)
- Outstanding costume design with less than 24 hours notice
- Outstanding adaptation of a parenting philosophy into practical reality
- Outstanding ability to not hit your child back even though he started it
- Outstanding editing of cuss words from your vocabulary even when someone cuts you off on the freeway, or you crack your head on the door of the car
- Most innovative deflection of the 35th consecutive “Why?” question
- Most effective strategy implementation for getting the adult children to move out of the house
- Outstanding ability to withstand the Nag, the Whine, and the Door Slam
- Most creative strategy for vegetable ingestion
- Best juggling act
I can see the red carpet now, albeit with a few Cheerios and dog hairs still attached. The host will apologize for not having time to vacuum. There will be stunning evening wear (a few with barely noticeable spit-up stains). Of course comments will be done by the mother /daughter team of Joan and Melissa Rivers. Sting and his son will provide the entertainment, with back up vocals provided by the local school choir, directed by the indefatigable Mrs. Harriet Thornhurst. The award ceremonies will have to end at 9:30 sharp because no one can stay awake past ten and the babysitter has to be home early because it’s a school night. The enviable SWAG bags will contain wet wipes, a tamagotchi, and the latest road trip bingo game. It will be an event to remember.
And I better get a plaque.
Nominations are not yet open, but I would like to hear your ideas for categories. Go.