TOO MUCH!
I’m in one of those phases where it’s all just too much. Do you get this sometimes? The obligation to return a phone call or an email or even respond to a comment — too much. Can’t do it. I know intellectually that these things only take minutes or even seconds, and yet I go to do it, and I don’t know, I just can’t. It suddenly feels like I’m trying to heft a piano up the staircase all by myself.
So of course, I abandon the piano at the bottom of the staircase and spend the rest of the day, week, month walking around the piano which requires that I turn sideways and crabwalk around it, and occasionally crawl over top of it to get to where I need to go. And everytime I do this, I curse my inability to just get it done, because clearly the rest of the world can. And so to top off my inability to get it done I then have to contend with a piano load of shame and guilt, like a load of laundry covered in a layer of dust and mildew sitting atop the abandoned piano.
Maybe I should recognize that no one can haul a piano upstairs by themselves and just ask for some help to get it there. Because I know as soon as I do that it won’t be a piano at all, I’ll discover it was yappy dog that just needed to be let outside to pee.
And now for a completely different metaphor…
I feel like Rapunzel. I’m also all the characters in this little fairy tale. I’m the King who wanted to protect his daughter by placing her safely in an inescapable tower. I am the moat and the dragon at the entrance. (I don’t think the original fairy tale had a moat or a dragon, but it’s my fairy tale, so I’m going for broke.)
I’m also the one with the fabulous hair that could use it for her escape if she would choose to.
I just need to find my inner prince to make that plea to let down my hair. He might have sprained an ankle trying to cross that moat though, and he’s a little scorched by the fire-breathing dragon.
So, I guess what I’m saying is that if I owe you a response of some kind, it’s not a lack of love that’s keeping me from it. It’s just that moat and a prince with weak ankles. Also, maybe a small piano/yappy dog.
Final note: I recently discovered there is a nodule in my left thyroid. It’s most likely benign because these things usually are, and my mother had a benign thyroid thing and these things run in families. BUT there is a chance it’s carcinomic. Which of course TERRIFIES me. I have a fine needle biopsy on July 9. So, I would appreciate prayers, good vibrations, well wishes, lit candles, patron saints of thyroid health and any other kind of blessing you can lay on me and my thyroid.
Tentative Equinox North
Tentative Equinox 
Do they actually call it a FINE needle biopsy? What….as opposed to a blunt and thick one?
St. Blaise is the patron saint of mariners. cobblers and diseases of the throat and goiter.
There’s a St. Etheldreda, but she’s a patron saint of throat conditions who actually died of ‘an enormous and unsightly tumor on her neck’, I think I’ll go with St. Blaise.
It will be benign. It’s just going to be a stupid genetic thing. I got the early grey hair. You got the goiter.
@MahoneyMusings. Yes indeedy, it’s called a FINE Needle Biopsy. I think mostly to ease the stress of having any kind of needle at all coming at your throat.
I will start appealling to the benevolent St. Blaise.
Thanks for the benign vote. Although I also vote against the name goiter. I prefer Scar of St. Blaise b/c that makes me sound like a character out of a novel.
Hello Tentative Equinox North
I came across your page here as I was looking for “patron saint thyroid” on a google search. Like you, I have a nodule on the left side of my thyroid. Apparently 1.7cm in size. I will see an endocrin. next week probably. I assume a biopsy will be needed, but who knows…
I am wondering how you are doing, feeling, etc.
You’re in my prayers.
Peace,
Chris
Thanks Chris. Sorry to take so long to reply but I was waiting for that doctor’s appointment which I had today. The pathology is benign!
See my update here: https://tentativeequinox.wordpress.com/2009/07/21/thyroid-b9/
I feel fine except my throat feels quasi-sore much of the time. Sort of a full feeling. Not great, but I can live with it. And most importantly, still sing with it.
Thanks for your prayers. I will keep you in mine. Check back and let us know how it went for you.