I’m in one of those phases where it’s all just too much. Do you get this sometimes? The obligation to return a phone call or an email or even respond to a comment — too much. Can’t do it. I know intellectually that these things only take minutes or even seconds, and yet I go to do it, and I don’t know, I just can’t. It suddenly feels like I’m trying to heft a piano up the staircase all by myself.
So of course, I abandon the piano at the bottom of the staircase and spend the rest of the day, week, month walking around the piano which requires that I turn sideways and crabwalk around it, and occasionally crawl over top of it to get to where I need to go. And everytime I do this, I curse my inability to just get it done, because clearly the rest of the world can. And so to top off my inability to get it done I then have to contend with a piano load of shame and guilt, like a load of laundry covered in a layer of dust and mildew sitting atop the abandoned piano.
Maybe I should recognize that no one can haul a piano upstairs by themselves and just ask for some help to get it there. Because I know as soon as I do that it won’t be a piano at all, I’ll discover it was yappy dog that just needed to be let outside to pee.
And now for a completely different metaphor…
I feel like Rapunzel. I’m also all the characters in this little fairy tale. I’m the King who wanted to protect his daughter by placing her safely in an inescapable tower. I am the moat and the dragon at the entrance. (I don’t think the original fairy tale had a moat or a dragon, but it’s my fairy tale, so I’m going for broke.)
I’m also the one with the fabulous hair that could use it for her escape if she would choose to.
I just need to find my inner prince to make that plea to let down my hair. He might have sprained an ankle trying to cross that moat though, and he’s a little scorched by the fire-breathing dragon.
So, I guess what I’m saying is that if I owe you a response of some kind, it’s not a lack of love that’s keeping me from it. It’s just that moat and a prince with weak ankles. Also, maybe a small piano/yappy dog.
Final note: I recently discovered there is a nodule in my left thyroid. It’s most likely benign because these things usually are, and my mother had a benign thyroid thing and these things run in families. BUT there is a chance it’s carcinomic. Which of course TERRIFIES me. I have a fine needle biopsy on July 9. So, I would appreciate prayers, good vibrations, well wishes, lit candles, patron saints of thyroid health and any other kind of blessing you can lay on me and my thyroid.