I’ve been waiting for you.
Wait, I’m being a little creepy aren’t I? I mean we just met and all and here I am heaping all these expectations on you–hoping, dreaming, believing, YEARNING for you to be THE ONE. You know. THE YEAR. The year of the big success. Maybe big successes. The year where everything changed for the better.
I know that’s a lot of expectation. I’m sorry.
I know I need to slow down, get to know you a little better. Maybe have a conversation and see if we have anything to talk about before I go all John Cusack a la Say Anything on you.
Especially because I know I’m on the rebound here. 2010 and I had what could only be called a stormy relationship and a really, really, REALLY bad breakup (and truly, that’s putting it mildly). A year of high highs and low lows.
Maybe that’s what I want from our relationship. A
little lot less drama (at least of the real life kind. More of the theatre kind would actually be awesome). A little more steady momentum. Less chaos. More clarity.
It’s not that I want nothing from our relationship–to treat you like an old comfy chair that doesn’t require anything of me but for me to sit down and vegetate. I’m also not negating the value of some good fallow time. What I’m trying to say is that I’m going to put some effort into our relationship. I’m not just going to expect you to be everything and do everything. I’m not going to let myself be entirely buffeted around by the things (good and/or bad) that you’re bringing to the table. But I will bring some stuff of my own to the table. I promise to be clear about what I want, or if I’m not, at least seek clarity. I promise to focus my attention on bringing those qualities into my life and our relationship. And as cheesy as it sounds I want to bring more ME into the world and our relationship. Step into whatever this thing is that keeps calling my name.
So, there it is. All out there, however vague it seems at this point. Strange to seem so vague when I’m wanting clarity, but such is the paradox of life no?
I hope you’re open to all of this. You seem like the kind of year that would be. I hope I’m not misreading you entirely. Otherwise, I guess I’ll get my Boombox and Peter Gabriel CD at the ready. Seeing as this is Vancouver I can at least predict a heavy rainstorm within any given week.
With love and what? anticipation? ridiculously high hopes?
I’m looking foward to getting to know you better.
With much love and laughter,