Why do you visit me here? Is it to find out what cute things my kids are saying? Do you expect to get some pithy observations that probably have already been made by other people in more observant and humourous ways? Do you come to see my quaint Canadian spellings? Apparently that is not the case. I am actually a portal to the dark underbelly of Vancouver’s S&M apprenticeship scene. I know! Who knew? How exotic! How refreshing! The internet and kink! Two great tastes that go great together!

Yes, last week a search engine directed someone to my website who was using the search string “dominatrix training Vancouver“. I can only assume it was because of this post and this one, and because I’ve mentioned Vancouver a couple of times in other posts, (BTW, if it was you and now you’re back using that exact same string…uhmm…Hi, how are you doing? Yes, I guess I am making a little fun of you. I’ve been very bad, I know. I would say maybe you should punish me, but clearly you are unqualified to do that if you haven’t completed your Masters in S&M.)

I would actually like to know how many pages this person had to scroll through to get referred to my site. Because I think she (I’m assuming) had to be pretty tenacious. Yes, I suppose I COULD do that myself, but that’s all I need is for the babysitter to report to her mother that she found ‘dominatrix training Vancouver’ in my web search history.  Really.  You do it. You tell me what page I turn up on. Of course, now that I’ve just used the phrase two more times I suppose I’ve increased my chances of turning up on the first couple of pages. <Sigh> This internet stuff is tricky.

I think the part that cracks me up most is the combination of S&M with human resources. I mean do you do an apprenticeship? Do you have to shadow a fully certified dominatrix and get so many practicum hours before you move up a level? Maybe there’s modules like firefighters–so, instead of being certified for a 10 pallet blaze, you get your ball gag module, then your flagellation module, an optional knot-tying module,  and so on and so forth. Is there a mission statement? A health and safety committee? What about customer experience feedback forms? Do you have to go on corporate retreats? If you go to the physiotherapist do you submit the receipts to your extended health plan or professional development officer? How does the job interview go? Who gets called for references? These are my questions.

I’m flattered by the confidence in my dark side. Sadly, I can only confess to a high-noon shadow side rather than a full-on dark side of the moon variety of shadow. I’d like to be able to offer more as I know we’re all about our shadows these days. I get a little melancholy now and then. I like the Romantic poets. I get cranky without my morning coffee. I’m addicted to chocolate. It’s all I’ve got. Sorry to set you up and knock you right down again.

Maybe Google is now just amusing itself by sending people to random sites. More proof that our technology is now running the show. We’re living in a Matrix-world people.

Oh, comments will DEFINITELY be moderated.