So, of course it makes sense that I should declare my intent to write prolifically and then fail to post anything for nearly a week.
Because that’s what I do.
I set myself a goal and then run pell mell in the opposite direction.
I am the quintessential Imp of the Perverse.
Why waste time seeing if I could get close? Nope. Uh uh. Not for me. I just fail immediately and spectacularly.
Perhaps I should do opposite goal-setting:
- I will eat only enough fruits and vegetables to avoid getting scurvy. Not. One. Ounce. More.
- I shall not write ever again.
- The house will have to clean itself, because I shall not lift a finger to assist it. I will be suffocated by accumulating bagel crumbs before I will sweep again.
I could then be found doing the following:
- Stealing into the kitchen and sneaking open the crisper to see if there are any apples left. Then, after promising myself I would just eat one small Granny Smith, cleaning out the crisper of all fruits and vegetables in some kind of happy colon binge. I will then hide the cores in the bottom of the garbage pail so no one can see how much I ate.
- Getting up at 4am to get in my 2,000 words before I wake up and realize what I’ve done. After all, if I was SLEEP-WRITING, it wasn’t MY fault.
- Not watching Pushing Daisies because I DESERVED to mop the floors. I word hard dammit! And mopping is so relaxing.
It’s worth a shot I guess, but I suspect my brain might cotton on to the subterfuge. I mean, really, is it possible to fool the same brain that came up with the double agent plan? I have my quirks, but I’m not stupid. I think if someone said, “Hey that guy’s a spy.” I wouldn’t then be admitting any state secrets to him just for the asking.
Why is my brain full of all these twisted corridors? If my brain were a house it would be one those haunted mansions where the Scooby-Doo team invariably ends up being chased by a plethora of ghosts both real and concocted. Their plans to catch said ghosts always ending up going horribly wrong only to end up catching the bad guy through sheer chance some twisted happenstance.
Should I just hope for the twisted happenstance?
I was talking to Tentative Equinox South on Friday and she chatted me up on a new perspective on change that she had just heard called
Organizing Through the Chaos.
The idea of this is that when we do something different we then have to re-organize our thinking to incorporate that new thing into our definition of ourselves. So, if go to an audition and actually GET a part, I then need to change my own definition of myself from someone who DOESN’T get parts to someone who DOES. Otherwise, I will not succeed for long but behave in a way consistent with my own definition of myself. In other words, I will blow the audition just to keep my definition of myself intact because that’s more comfortable to me. Yes, I choose the well-worn but threadbare and moth-eaten Saturday-morning sweater over that scarlet red floor-length low-cut diva dress (ooh, don’t forget the long gloves).
I’m NOT saying that we have control over all things, because for sure even people that see themselves as part-getters don’t get cast in everything they audition for.
I AM saying that we I can stop getting in our my own way.
I mean…I need to get in my own way (wink, wink). Hey! Do I smell chloroform?