Be My Own Stage Manager

Posted on June 16, 2008 by Tentative Equinox North

Writing the post “Overheard in My Brain,” while also being great fun to write, gave me an epiphany:

I need to be my own stage manager.

The stage manager has a cue-book, with the script, the blocking and all the sound and lighting cues. The stage manager makes sure that after the show every night, the props are set back up on their table, the laundry is set aside to be washed, and everything is at the ready for the show the next night. The next day, they will go through the checklist, and sweep even though they did both things the night before, but by and large, it’s all ready to go. The stars can just get into costume and makeup, get on stage, hit their marks and put on a show.

I like being the star, or at minimum the witty second-banana that gets all the laughs. But, my life, inexplicably I think, doesn’t come with a stage manager. So I need to set the stage for my own starring role. I can always hit my mark and find my light. I just need someone to mark the stage with that glow-in-the-dark tape. And, that someone is going to have to be me. Because this I know:

  • If the coffee’s been pre-set to brew in the morning, I will get up to get it.
  • If the Pilates bed is set up (yes, it’s called a bed even if you don’t sleep in it), and my workout clothes laid out, I will do my Pilates workout.
  • If I’ve made the meal plan and bought the groceries (maybe even done a little prep work) I will eat healthfully.

But, if I leave it to that big lie: “I’ll do it in the morning.” I’m a lost soul. Instead of Patti LuPone in Gypsy on Broadway, I’m, at best, the crazy, 80-year old busquer who does (big quotes here) “kinesthetic sculptures” while wearing biking shorts and NOTHING ELSE, in which the elastic gave out in 2004, accompanied by some Indonesian percussion on his BoomBox that he taped while he backpacked through Asia in the 70’s. (Insert Homer Simpson shudder here.)

Uh uh. No way. Not me.

Baby, I’m going to make us a star!

Or maybe the witty second banana that gets all the laughs.

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Random Un-themed Love

Posted on June 13, 2008 by Tentative Equinox North

At Meg Fowler’s behest, my Friday afternoon random and un-themed Love List:

Today I love…

  • GriffinAn almost four-year-old that needs a snuggle and the good-night song to go to sleep and then leans over and says “I love you, Mommy.”
  • The Father’s Day mug made by said 4-year-old for his daddy.
  • Reading this blog from end to beginning while I had a houseful of twelve-year old girls. (Sidebar: Eric, I would totally buy something you wrote. Meg, you too. Even if it was just your respective blogs in book form.)
  • Leaves that are green on top and silver underneath, blowing in the wind and looking all shimmery
  • Sunshine at long last
  • The smell of tomato plants
  • Paul Gross
  • A sister who posts nice things about my kids
  • New sports socks
  • Orange and Coke slurpees
  • Newly mopped floors, freshly washed sheets & a sparkling kitchen
  • Granville Island
  • The Back Kitchen Release Party (which is coming back to the stage!)
  • Ridiculously large white peonies tinted with pink.

Do you have some love to share? Let’s keep it going.

Posted in Observatory, Sun | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Overheard in My Brain

Posted on June 13, 2008 by Tentative Equinox North

Left and Right

LB: Hey, RB, the alarm is going, we’ve gotta get up.

RB: spiff fff, mynne leeffing

LB: What? I can’t hear you with your face in the pillow.

RB: Piss off! I’m sleeping!

LB: Well, we did agree that we would get up early before the kids and meditate for 1/2 hour, then do Pilates. That way, we’re starting the day right.

RB: I am going to stuff this duvet down your throat you harpy. Now press snooze before you regret it.

LB: Well, I can see that reminding you of the things that you agreed to last night isn’t going to work, so I’ll appeal to your darker java nature; I made coffee.

RB: Really? That was very thoughtful of you LB.

LB: I know. I’m a giver.

RB: Okay, let’s get up. Can I meditate while drinking the coffee?

LB: Well, really you should (reads from Meditation for Dummies book) sit in a straight-backed chair and leave your hands open-palmed up on your legs so that your energy flows without impediment.

RB:

LB: RB? RB are you sleeping? C’mon!! We’re going to meditate.

RB: huh, snork, wha? Ya, meditate, whatever. Where’s the coffee?

LB: Here.

RB: Ahhhh. Okay, just get me to the comfy chair with my blanky and we are so totally going to meditate the ass off anyone else who meditates. I bet we get air today LB.

LB: (through pursed lips) RB, it takes approximately 3 months of consistent meditation before we will even be able to clear our mind of chatter and enter the great white nothingness for more than 2 minutes at a time.

RB: Huh…Aren’t YOU the one responsible for most of the brain chatter?

LB: (Taken aback) Well, yes, studies suggest…

RB: (interrupting) So, yes. Now, let me see, and, correct me if I’m wrong, oh learned one. Really, the point of meditation is to get YOU to shut up.

LB: Well, I wouldn’t exactly characterize it like that.

RB: LB, shut up.

LB: (puckers)

RB: Look. There we’re done. Transcendence, nirvana, ecstasy, altered consciousness. How easy was that?

LB: Maybe we should skip the meditation and move right on to Pilates.

RB: But it’s way harder to drink coffee while I’m doing the hundreds.

LB: Yes, well, we all make sacrifices for the body. We need to strengthen our core.

RB: You know how twinky that sounds, right? “I’m going to strengthen my core.” Sheesh. Maybe we should move to Yaletown next and get ourselves a personal Reiki master while we’re at it.

Executive Function: Hey team. I hate to break up this little coffee klatch, but we’ve got less than an hour to get this show on the road, so you’ve gotta get on it. 

RB (rolling eyes) & LB: Right sir, we’re on it.

RB: (To LB) Did you see him coming? He totally looms. There you are, minding your own business and suddenly he comes out of no where and catches you, in a moment of weakness, loafing.

LB: Well, that would be easy to do for you, you’re ALWAYS loafing! It just pisses me off that while I’m trying to get you on task, I get busted and now I’m going to get called into his office for a frank discussion about MY commitment to the team.

RB: Shut up.

LB: (Steamed silence, the only noise being the grinding of teeth, while eyes silently bug out of their socket.)

RB: See? Transcendence once again. This is so easy. Can we wear the feather eyelashes today? I’m sure I saw a memo that it’s Feather Friday. Ooh, maybe a boa too. LB? Where are you going?

(Later that day.)

RB: LB Are you hungry? I’m hungry.

LB: You are ALWAYS hungry! You’ve already polished off a bag of Doritos and a chocolate bar and while I understand that treats are important, those treats were SUPPOSED to last you all week and they lasted (checks watch) 1/2 hour. 1/2 hour RB!

RB: I couldn’t help myself. They were there and they looked so good. And I had the munchies.

LB: You know if I didn’t know better, I’d say you’d been, you know, smoking a little…(looks around for loomers)…weed.

RB: LB, I’m shocked. My high is performing.

LB: You know that’s actually kind of interesting. Maybe the after-effects are the same: sleepiness, the munchies, general grumpiness, wandering around in a fog.

RB: Really weak Lesson-of-the-day exposition LB. And BTW, there’s no need to get insulting.

LB: Well, I’m just calling it like I see it RB. I mean what have we managed to accomplish today?

RB: What’s SHE doing?

LB: Who?

RB: Her! Look, right up there. She’s writing everything down.

LB: Ohmigod, it’s the Observer. Another loomer. Uhmm. Excuse me. Ma’am.

Observer: (a little taken aback at being observed) Oh, sorry, what?

LB: Are you writing down our conversations?

Ob: That’s kind of my job.

RB: LB! I bet she’s going to put this on her blog thingy.

Ob: I actually prefer the word bjournal, blog is such an ugly word don’t you think?

RB: Hey, that’s cute. I wish I’d thought of that.

Ob: Actually, I think you did, I just wrote it down.

RB: Oh, that’s right I’d forgotten. I’m a little tired lately. Hungry too.

Ob: I know. But you’ve just had a huge output of energy, so you just need to cut yourself a break and fallow for a while.

RB: Eeyuw! That sound so dirty.

Ob: Well, creation has always been a bit of a messy business.

LB: Excuse me! Missing the point! I made no agreement to make my private conversations public. May I see your privacy policy?  

Ob: Well, it’s a bit of an unwritten understanding actually. You do what you brains do and I observe it. If I want to write it down so I can observe it better, than that’s my prerogative.

LB: Oh really. But for public consumption!?

Ob: It might get a squatillion hits. It might make you famous.

LB: Will Tom Hanks read it?

Ob: You’re hoping this will be your very own Big Fat Greek Wedding?

LB: A brain can dream can’t it?

Ob: Well, that’s really more of a right brain function, but I take your point. Yes, a brain can dream. Don’t you think it’s more of a Woody Allen flick though? Very “Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex* But Were Afraid to Ask.”

LB: Or…ooh…Charlie Kaufman! You know, Being John Malkovich. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Those had brains in it.

Ob: I think we’re not quite that dark.

RB: Don’t write us off that quickly. I have range. I could totally do Eternal Sunshine.

Ob: What about Zach Helm?

RB: That would be frickin’ awesome! (Calls out) ZACH HELM! ZACH HELM! ZACH HELM! Will that help him find us, oh Great Google?

Google: Look I’m actually totally random. I think I’m going to direct people here that are searching for sample privacy policies. It’s cheap humour, but it’s how I make my days go faster.

RB: Man, Artificial Intelligence sucks

Ob: I’ve observed the same thing. Do you know that someone got directed to my bjournal that was using the search string “Do aliens like paper towels?”

Google: (snickers cruelly) I know. God, that was funny. Let me tell you that you were no help at all.

RB: I need a nap. LB, where’s the hammock? Ooh, and a sunny island with palm trees. Did you put those somewhere?

LB: They’re in the previous entry RB, go look for yourself. I’m going to get back to work.

RB: Ya, you do that. (Yawn) Hey, don’t forget to put my name on that report.

LB: The sum total of your contribution was to choose the font!

RB: Uh huh. And would that report have any merit if I hadn’t chosen a font that had a contemporary feel with an overtone of gravitas? Content isn’t everything you know.

LB: God knows that’s true. Look, if you’re going, go already, I’ve got work to do and you are just getting underbrain.

RB: (Yawns loudly) ‘Kay. (Wanders off in feather eyelashes, boa and galoshes)

LB: Sweet dreams. Lucky brain. (Mutters something about being chained to a desk with no appreciation for bringing in a paycheque while SOMEONE gets to gallivant around the universe without a care in the world.) 

Observer closes bjournal and goes in search of more coffee.

Camera pans over RB snoring loudly in her hammock and follows the sunset.

Fade to black.

~ The End ~

Posted in Aliens and uncharted planets, Observatory, Stardust, Sun | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Post-show Exhaustion

Posted on June 12, 2008 by Tentative Equinox North

For me, performing is a high. I don’t even get nervous anymore, which is a great gift of age. By the time I get to the performance stage, I am at the point that I don’t have to think too, too much about what my next line is, or where my right foot is supposed to be (unless it’s the Act 1 finale, in which case, I just make sure Bizzy is about one foot in front of me and off to the left so I can watch her, without watching her, you know what I’m saying?), and I can just flip over into right-brain out-of-time happiness.

And, by the way, I highly encourage you to find the thing that does that for you (maybe you have already.  If so, you understand what I’m saying ya?) because it’s a wonderful place to be.

Of course, coming down from that high is another story altogether. I miss the music, I miss the cast, I miss making harmonies with a large group of people, I miss making people laugh. I miss it all. Plus, I’m just plain old garden variety exhausted. This show was in particular hard to come down from because I had a bunch of real-world stuff to deal with that got legitimately put in limbo while I did the show that then had to be, you know, dealt with.

Still, it always seems to take a longer time to recover from this than my left brain thinks it should. Because here it is, in the third week since the show closed and I’m still tired. I have to remember that my left brain has very little to do with it, because while my body and right brain were performing, it was having a nice little vacation. If my creative self (and that includes my body) needs a little fallow time, then I have to let it take as much time as it needs. My left brain can handle things in the meantime.

So, if you talk to me in the next little while, and I seem a little dull, that’s only because my creative self is off in a hammock somewhere snoozing. Shhhhh.

Creative self snoozes

Posted in Observatory, Stardust | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Fast ForWord Comes to Surrey

Posted on June 11, 2008 by Tentative Equinox North

Hooray!

Check out the front page article from the Surrey Now Today about Fast ForWord.

I’m very excited it’s coming to Surrey. I think Surrey (considering it’s the largest school district in BC and one of the only ones whose student population is growing) needs to lead the way in adopting new ways of dealing with the learning disabled and this is a great start. Now, if we could just get the Arrowsmith program…

I’m going to try to get my two oldest into this.

Let’s hear it for neuroplasticity! (I know, it’s not a word that makes for a great cheer, but do it anyway.)

Update: I now have a Fast ForWord page with links to all my Fast ForWord posts plus some other useful links.

Posted in Big Bang, Mothership, Sun | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

You know it’s loud when it goes to eleven.

Posted on June 10, 2008 by Tentative Equinox North

One of the reasons that we chose our house is its lack of neighbours.

That sounds unfriendly doesn’t it?

Well, it is. Prior to our current home, we were living in a housing co-op where we learned two things. One–the great thing about co-ops is that you really get to know your neighbours. Two–the terrible thing about co-ops is that you really get to know your neighbours.

So, our current house has a neighbour to one side, and one kitty-corner off the back-yard. Two neighbours! And…we have problems with both. One neighbour has yappy dogs and a tendency to have loud parties off their back porch and the other is much tidier than we are and seem to get all puckered with our less than Better Homes and Gardens existence. Still, I don’t have to belong to any committees and if anyone really wants us to do something differently they have to write a letter to city hall, not pass a motion at a board meeting.

These are the reasons I know that as wonderful as the green movement makes this eco-density sound in theory, in practice it works about as well as Soviet-style Communism. It’s simply a vexation to the human spirit to live too close to other people.

Anyway…

Directly behind us is a green space, and next to us and the green space is a large field. Sometimes it contained this horse:

The horse that sometimes lived next door

Some years the horse even had a foal which we got to watch grow up and frisk about. I know it’s kind of a weird set up. All around us is small-town mortgaged suburbia and then suddenly…FARM…then back to small-town mortgaged suburbia. A little breathing room amidst a sea of sameness.

But not anymore. The times they are a-changin’. We’re getting new neighbours. The lot is being subdivided, the cul-de-sac behind us is being extended and voila! 11 new neighbours. My guess is that at least 3 will butt up against our property.

I’m giddy with anticipation.

At least the green space stays.

Posted in Aliens and uncharted planets, Minor notes in the celestial chord | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Frantic Friday Haiku

Posted on June 6, 2008 by Tentative Equinox North

Appraiser coming

House a wreck. Must clean it twice

All this for credit?

Posted in Minor notes in the celestial chord | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Health at Every Size

Posted on June 5, 2008 by Tentative Equinox North

This is a great post from Shapely Prose, “An Anthropologist on Mars” Go read it. This is kind of what I’ve been getting at with this post but fillyjonk has articulated it much better than I did I think. I got the micro view of how this plays out, she got the macro. I find this Health at Every Size movement compelling.

As I’ve mentioned before, I started to have neck problems last August. For a number of reasons I switched chiropractors and what a difference that switch made to my health. Under his care and instruction, I have eliminated all my neck pain, healed a sprained ankle, a sore knee, a pelvis/soaz issue, a sore shoulder and all but eliminated the  carpal tunnel syndrome that I’ve been suffering with since the birth of my first child 12 YEARS AGO! I went to the chiropractor this week basically for a tune-up and I am PAIN-FREE. He was actually able to write on my chart “Symptom-Free.” And I didn’t have to have invasive surgery, take anything stronger than Ibuprofen, lose 50 pounds, or spend every waking hour at the gym to do it. In the beginning I did have to be pretty consistent about doing some prescribed exercises but I certainly wasn’t religious or perfect in that regard. And I do workout more or less consistently (Hey, moderation in all things including consistency).

The reason that the things I was doing before weren’t working is because my body wasn’t aligned correctly. If it isn’t aligned correctly, you will just keep re-injuring yourself.

So, this is my lesson from that experience. And I know this is a pretty revolutionary thought, so bear with me–I need to expect that a professional is going to actually help. If they’re not helping, I need to get a different professional. When a professional starts blaming my lack of progress on me and I’m more or less doing my 50%, I need to get a different professional. And what does blaming me sound like? “If you would just lose weight, I think we could make better progress.” “Have you done 500 of those exercises a day like I suggested?” and my personal favourite, “Wow, I really don’t know what to suggest, but let me know if you discover anything that works because I’m sure I’m going to encounter this problem again in my practice.”

Now, I’m sure there are chronic conditions that are not curable, just manageable, and obviously some things are going to require surgery and/or drugs. I’m not saying these things don’t exist. But there are less of these conditions than one might think. I’ve been noticing a great many people just accepting their pain as a given, and up until a few months ago, I was one of those people. Do not accept physical pain as the norm.

Waiver: Don’t get your medical advice from strangers on the internet. This is one person’s experience and opinion and I invoke the Scott Adams waiver BOCTAOE (But of course there are obvious exceptions) to everything I’ve written in the previous paragraphs.

Note: Comments that blame fat people for their misery, or are just generally insulting will not be published.

Posted in Aliens and uncharted planets, Big Bang, Observatory | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Only if it finds me first

Posted on June 4, 2008 by Tentative Equinox North

I’ve finally got a blackberry. I’ve wanted one for a while, and it just so happened that mobile contracts were up for renegotiation at work. When my turn came, I requested a blackberry (I’m thinking it might be useful while sitting in waiting rooms, which I can see much of in my future.)

It came. It’s pretty cool looking.

HOWEVER…

Our IT guy set me up on the “Hunt Feature.” That means that if my regular desk phone rings and I don’t pick it up in the first 0.2 milliseconds, it starts ringing on the blackberry. If I don’t pick it up, the caller eventually is invited to leave a message on my work phone’s voicemail. In an additional feature set up b/c I remote in quite frequently to work, that voicemail is then stored on my phone AND emailed to me. I cannot tell you how irritating this is to be sitting at my desk at work and have the unholy trinity of my desk phone, computer and blackberry beeping at me urgently. “Missed call! Missed call! What the hell is the matter with you!? Someone actually had to leave a message for you!?! Bad 21st century working girl! Very BAD!”

Why does it have to labelled so violently? Why isn’t it called a “Seek Feature” or an “I just had to hear your voice and couldn’t wait for you to get my voicemail” Feature?

But no, my technology is now the hunter, and I am the prey.

Maybe I’ll mount it on one my neice’s My Little Pony’s and give it an Elmer Fudd cover/skin (you know the pork chop checked cap?). Maybe I could even change the ring tone to be one of those bugle calls or the braying of the hound dogs. I should at least enjoy the thrill of the chase. If you see me zig zagging through the water park I’m just trying to throw my blackberry off the scent.

Posted in Aliens and uncharted planets, Minor notes in the celestial chord, Observatory | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Be Realistic

Posted on June 3, 2008 by Tentative Equinox North

So, that’s the phrase I’m starting to hear. We have to keep our expectations realistic. Aspergers, ADHD, and Learning Disabilities are life-long conditions for which there is no cure. They can be managed but not eliminated. Accept her for who she is.

If my child had a broken leg would you tell me to just love her for who she is? Would you ask me if it’s really worth treating? Would you subtly accuse me of not loving her for who she is if we did the obvious thing and, you know, treated it?

I guess the current view is to treat it more like Type 1 diabetes–a chronic condition–than something that is treatable. But we still look for a cure for that don’t we?

This is the kind of thing that I find fascinating about brain dysfunctions. First of all, we don’t want to call it a dysfunction, because our brain maps form our our personalities, so it’s like saying that someone’s personality is flawed. Which, we don’t want to do. Second, and more to the point, we have a hard time believing that someone could not simply choose to be different.

Since my daughter’s problems started to surface I have become aware of other people’s struggles, particularly in the social realm. And I now realize that many people’s annoying behaviour is simply the result of a brain dysfunction, something they have little or no control over. And that dysfunction has prevented them from learning appropriate social behaviour. (Sidenote: knowing that doesn’t always make it less annoying.)

It is hard for me, when I see my daughter do something inappropriate and I explain her mistake and suggest a more appropriate course of action, that she CANNOT seem to learn it. I’ve actually become an ineffective nag in this regard. I seem to think that by repeating the same instruction endlessly that THIS time she’ll pick up on it.

But we now know that brains are plastic. Pathways can be built, re-built, re-mapped–whatever way you want to say it. But it needs to be done effectively, at the root of the dysfunction. And THAT is the trickiest part, finding the root of the dysfunction. For instance, to bring it into the learning disabilities realm. When we read we now know that 9 areas of the brain light up. So, a reading problem can be because of 1 of those 9 areas aren’t lighting up, or 3 areas, or all nine, or some endless combination or permutation of that. It’s not enough to say “this person can’t read.” And I think it must be the same with social learning.

The research on neuroplasticity is only about 12 years old and it hasn’t really made large inroads into the larger juggernauts of the medical and education systems. These systems are certainly not early-adopters. And I guess they shouldn’t be, because there are many, MANY people out there that claim that their cure works. It takes time to sift out the wheat from the chaff.

But in the meantime, until these systems can catch up with the science and incorporate it into their methodologies, I will continue to be unrealistic and expect that she can be cured. I will end up educating them, and demanding programmes that are controversial.

So, yes, she is perfect, and yes, she needs to be fixed.

I can contain that contradiction.

Suggested reading: The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge. FASCINATING!

Posted in Aliens and uncharted planets, Gravity, Mothership, Observatory | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment